Husband, Father, Son, Brother, Friend, and one of the strongest bike riders around, Kevin Benkenstein - better known as Benky - is no stranger to endurance and resilience. With Father's Day in focus, he reflects on navigating the loss of his father and the legacy he hopes to leave his daughters through a life of adventure racing.
'We never quit, Benky.'
Rod Benkenstein
Five words from his Dad that carried him through Everestings, dry water bottles 150km from nowhere, and more rides than he can count. Now it's the one thing he hopes his girls carry forward.
Legacy is a funny word to use about yourself, it feels somewhat self-congratulatory especially at the young age 40. The reality, though, is that every person leaves a legacy behind. I learned that when I lost my Dad, and his legacy still shapes how I (try) to lead my life.
Now, I know for sure that my Dad was a better man than I.
I try living up to the example that he set, though, and hope that some of his traits have been passed on. I also want to set a good example for my two girls, as a Dad myself.
Passing on a spirit of adventure is one thing I hope that they will learn from me. Adventure, for me, has many forms: An adventure can be into a place you’ve never been; An experience you’ve never had; A limit you’ve never pushed. Really any journey into the unknown is an adventure, even a 40km walk across Kansas in the mud. I want my legacy to my girls to be a steadfast commitment to not shy away from what might seem scary, and to finish what you’ve started once you’ve taken the first steps towards it.
My own story with adventure has not been a simple one. My first adventures were to numb a broken heart, to find meaning and purpose when I felt there was none. I will not pretend that my introduction to adventure riding was for anything more than to try and fill a void, a whole in my heart that seemed impossible to fix.
Thankfully life worked out, I got quite lucky and found a good life full of love and happiness. My adventures became more positive over time and have allowed me to have experiences of people and places and feelings that have almost entirely been positive. I have love for my country and others because I’ve been able to see them with the purity of an exhausted mind that can only take in the most basic of feelings. I’ve experienced kindness from strangers in the moments that I was most vulnerable, and that has given me faith in the basic kindness of all people.
I’ve been scared along the way, both to start adventures and to complete them, and certainly in the midst of them. At all times I’ve held close a throwaway line from my Dad: “We never quit, Benky”. In that moment it was just to get me through an Everesting, my first one. In times since that phrase has gotten me through running out of water 150km from anywhere, kept me racing when every part of me wanted to quit, and ensured that I always honored my non-exhausted self’s desire to take on a challenge.
‘My adventures’ have grown to also be ‘Our adventures’ at times too, especially with my wife Mikayla. Our honeymoon was eight days riding through Lesotho and the foothills of the Drakensberg and our most recent holiday together was four days through the Garden Route and Klein Karoo. We have suffered in the heat together, been hailed on, caught in the rain and run out of water. We have laughed at our stupidity, wondered why we’ve been where we were and enjoyed the stories afterwards. Sometimes we have documented these rides and sometimes not, but the rides have always been just for us to be just us together. Adventure has built moments that provided strength in our relationship, we’ve relied entirely on each other, and that reliance has gone both ways. Nothing can replace the trust we have built in each other in these moments.
I do not know how our girls will see these adventures when they grow up, but I believe that they have already learnt some things from me and from us. I hope that they grow up unafraid to try, brave enough to continue, and aware enough to learn what they love. I hope that they disrespect their known limits, that they forge ahead with what feels right for them and know that they always have a safe place to come back to regardless of where their adventures take them. I hope that we share some of their adventures, even if all that I get to do is give them a few words of encouragement to continue when it all feels as if it is too much. What their adventures are is their choice, not mine, but I do hope that some of them are by bike with us.
On a more personal level the time alone in mountains and deserts has allowed my all too busy mind to be quiet, to process and catalogue thoughts, and to understand myself better. I’ve done things I could never have imagined I’d be capable of, and I’ve failed at things I felt more than capable of, but all those adventures have taught me to keep heading out the door, to keep trying and to give my all every single time. I hope I can teach my girls to do the same.
